Beware of Camping – Jason Good

It’s easy to get too excited about the arrival of summer. Here are some things you should keep in mind before scheduling that family trip.

  1. Starting a fire on purpose is really hard. Starting one on accident is very easy. It’s kind of like making a baby.
  2. All the kids’ socks are wet within five minutes.
  3. Your morning bathroom ritual will go from being your favorite part of the day to an hour of panic.
  4. Your kids will each find a special rock, and promptly lose it, causing you to spend the entire weekend searching for the rock.
  5. You ever try to get a three year old to sit down? Now try it in a canoe.
  6. Your child will develop a sudden fear of peeing outside (something he does all-too-frequently at home). Have fun taking him to the john in bare feet every hour or so.
  7. You’ll spend approximately 75% of your day explaining what “that noise was.”
  8. You’ll talk incessantly about buying an RV. You’ll never do it.
  9. The guy at the site next to you might have a confederate flag and call everyone “Fella.”
  10. Even expensive freezer bags can’t keep graham crackers dry.
  11. Hiking involves a lot more arguing and carrying of children than you remembered.
  12. Seeing a moose is not magical; it’s terrifying
  13. You’ll say, “I think that’s poison oak” at least forty times and be right twice.
  14. Everyone will have an acorn under their hip while sleeping.
  15. Tent farts

And it’s all totally worth it. Seriously, even the “cave rash” you’ll all contract.